The Unexamined Life is not Worth Living

In thrall to his accusers and the court, Socrates chose a noble death, no begging, no justification, no exile. When facing that terrible fate, he said the famous quote, “the unexamined life is not worth living”. The body can be killed, but virtue is eternal. Socrates got killed, yet his works and deeds survived. He became immortal by seeking goodness, surrendering to wisdom, discipline, valour, ethics, morals and a strong character until his last breath.

“I say that it is the greatest good for a man to discuss virtue every day and those other things about which you hear me conversing and testing myself and others, for the unexamined life is not worth living” (Apology 38a).
Apology 38a, Plato

What would I do in his place? Would I have taken the shortcut? Would I have been afraid of death?

In thinking about the episode above, I can’t help but wonder about our actions and attitude at every given time. What are we doing now, in the present, the only time we have to live? Are we spending enough time soul-searching and examining our thoughts, emotions, feeling and attitudes? Nobody knows when we will depart from this form of existence; life is undoubtedly fleeting, hence the need to self-examine. That is what the stoics called “Memento Mori”.

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.”
Seneca

The ancient wisdom from Jewish literature also expresses a similar notion. In the book of Koheleth (aka Ecclesiastes), the Sage (believed to be King Shlomo) denotes the benefit of observing the end of things rather than going along with partying and debauchery. We live in a world that encourages and rewards profligacy, sensuality, or the life of the senses rather than reason. Our brains are chemically hardwired to avoid stoic discipline and embrace epicurean pleasures, though even the latter is misinterpreted. The Sage suggests that a wise person should be drawn to a house of mourning, yet simpletons, fools, those only interested in the service of their senses, to a house of merrymaking. In that sense, he advocates that vexation is better than revelry, as in internal conflict, one can reach true bliss through self-examination.

Upon meditating on the words of ancient philosophers and sages, I urge myself to embrace the discipline of self-examination as the pathway to a life worth living, to remember that we are only here for a very brief moment, to make every second count as the present time lost will never return. Though it often comes back in the shape of the ghost of the past, regrets creep in, besmirching our souls.

We take nothing from this world; that is the truth, but while we are in it, we have, like Socrates, a choice of how we want to live it and how we want to depart from it, whether with high moral and ethical standards, being the best we can to us and others, or by just living an inconsequential and unintentional existence.

How will you be remembered? The image next is a sculpture in a place not far from where I stay when I am in Austria. It is the “Die Pieta” or Cloack of Conscience. It is meant to symbolise what we leave behind when we die or what outlives us.

It says, “The love we gave, our deeds and works, the misery we went through.”

We are very preoccupied with reaching success, to achieve greatness so much that we forget the little things in life, the importance of virtue and the commitment to becoming a better person every day.

One of my favourite quotes for success is from Ralph Waldo Emerson, who understands success, happiness and life pursuits from a different perspective from most social media posts.

“What is success?
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch Or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Note to self: self-examine daily, seek virtue and justice, be kind, love much, and learn to find contentment with every little thing.

New Year…(not so) new me…

But that is not all bad!

Between Jan 15th and 19th, most of us will have given up on our resolutions. The third Thursday is considered by many the D-day, where the new year’s resolution will utterly sink. Every year millions of us gather all the energy we can possibly master to make sure we will stick to our new year’s resolution, and yet around mid-Jan, we have already got beaten by old habits, and they tend to die hard.

Let’s face it: if the goals set are not grounded in self-discipline and a robust process, it is unlikely to be successful. However, there is more to success than achieving a new year’s goal. For instance, being congruent and truthful with who we are is also paramount. The truth will set you free – you must be intentional and focused and trust the process.

Bringing part of our old self into the new year is not bad. There are many good things inside of you that you should keep and make sure to develop in the new year. Instead of focusing only on the new stuff you want to create, why not look inside yourself and build up greatness from the things you know you can develop and be great at! What can you be grateful for? Celebrate that too, and experience joy in life.

After that, think about why you are setting these goals? Motivations and needs. Maybe you say – I need to lose weight, for example. Ok, why? Perhaps instead of focusing on weight loss, you aim to change eating habits and get more physically fit as your starting point. Take that pressure away immediately, and focus on the positive aspect of gaining something rather than losing.

But, then, how? Get a journal and write down all you need to do and what you need to learn. Make an inventory of what you are currently eating. What can you change? How fit are you? Map the step-by-step process, and set milestones. Join a club, enter a race, etc. The resolution will not work itself out. Work out your resolution and change it into a lifestyle, get yourself a Mantra, and become what you want to achieve before you see it through. Now replace weights with anything else, and the process is the same.

I use Strava to track my sports results and connect with others in my fitness network. They looked at more than 108 million entries in the U.S. and realised that most Americans are likelier to quit their resolutions on a Thursday. By Jan 19th, most of us would have gone back to old ways, not because of the decision we made but how we want to tackle the year added to how we see ourselves and the nature of the goal we are setting. We want to use the new year as motivation, but in all honesty, we need discipline and specific steps to measure our progress with whatever we want to achieve.

“Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.”
― Seneca

Your life is way more significant than the year you are currently living in, and you want to set goals that might take you further than the year you are entering. I started the new year in December 2022, working on many of my processes and what I wanted to add, change, develop, increase, etc.; I also reviewed other goals not linked to the new year and reviewed them all.

What do I need to do, and how are they connected to who I am and where I am going?

Do you know where you are going? Are you running a marathon or a sprint? Think about the next two, three and five years. What changes can you make today that will impact your future self? But you have got to know where you are heading. Lewis Carrol in Alice in Wonderland wrote something like, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”.

Do you know who you are?”A person who doesn’t know their purpose in life doesn’t know who they are or what the universe is.”
― Marcus Aurelius

The “Who” element – your identity defines your purpose, and vice-versa; a life purpose will shape your identity, and both together will support your vision, goals and objectives for any stage of your life. Do you know who you are? Bringing your good old self into the new year, your great qualities, your experience and what you are good at and building it up is part of the process, don’t leave anything good behind; get better instead. You need to flourish in the new year and get brighter and brighter because you can also help others to become better versions of themselves.

To Summarise:

Decide where you are going.
What do you need to bring with you to that journey, and what you want to leave behind
The journey is not only for the year; think beyond that.
You have greatness within you; how will you manifest that this year?
What do you want to change this year and why?
Be intentional about it, write a process, measurements and milestones, and join others along the way.
Be truthful to who you are and trust the process.

Friday the 13th, bad luck or Amor Fati?

As today is Friday the 13th, and just the second Friday of the year, I decided to write about it. I don’t personally remember this date happening in January, but in 2017 it did.

It drew my attention because I have been studying from the stoics _ this week to focus only on the things I can control. I have also started meditating on what it means to become. One of the difficulties of becoming is that we attach our lives to many meanings outside our immediate control area. And, of course, you cannot control a day of the week, superstitions, and other traditions.

The fear of the number 13 goes back millennia. First, it comes after a much-blessed number: 12, the number of government, of completeness, 12 months and zodiac signs, gods of Olympus, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles, etc… In western traditions, 13 follows the significant and respected 12, the fear of the number 13 has even been awarded a psychological terminology: triskaidekaphobia.

Donald Dossey, the author of “Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun”, tells us of a Norse myth about a dinner party for 12 gods at which a 13th guest, Loki, the trickster god, showed up uninvited and killed Balder, the god of light, wisdom, joy and happiness. The ancient Code of Hammurabi reportedly omitted a 13th law from its legal rules; nobody can prove it was on purpose, yet another nail in the number 13’s coffin.

In Christian tradition, there were 13 sitting at the last supper, and on Friday, Jesus got crucified; that has started an old Christian superstition that having 13 people seated at a table is a terrible omen. There are many other traditions (yet not proven), such as the day Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit (not an apple, that’s for sure) and Cain killed his brother Abel.

When and why did Friday the 13th start to be feared?

Terrible things are supposed to have happened on this day; one that is closest to its meaning is related to the Order of the Templars Knight, which by order of King Philip IV of France, whose coffers had been emptied from his longstanding war with England (in alliance with Pope Clement V) ordered all Templars to be arrested and thrown in prison and the seizing of all their properties, titles and wealth in France. The Knights were accused of numerous crimes, including heresy and treason. The legend of Jacques DeMolay, the last Grandmaster of the Order, cursing both Philip IV and Pope Clement V as he died, still lives to this day. Incredibly, Philip and Clement died within months of DeMolay’s death.

Many bad events occurred on Friday the 13th, including the German bombing of Buckingham Palace (Sep. 1940); the disappearance of a Chilean Air Force plane in the Andes (Oct. 1972); the death of rapper Tupac Shakur (Sep. 1996) and the crash of the Costa Concordia cruise ship off the coast of Italy, which killed 30 people (January 2012). However, bad events happen every single day.

Most people in western countries attributed it as an inauspicious day, yet until the late 1800s, no one would think of Fridays the 13th with a particularly negative connotation. Credit for popularizing the Friday the 13th myth is often attributed to Capt and William Fowler starting a society called the Thirteen Club. According to a blog by the New York Historical Society, puts the initial meeting on a Friday, the 13th — Jan. 13, 1882, at 8:13 p.m., in room 13 of Fowler’s Knickerbocker Cottage.

This day gave us two terms— “paraskavedekatriaphobia” and “friggatriskaidekaphobia” to describe the fear of this supposedly unlucky day.

Amor Fati

In Hebrew, the number 13 is associated with the word LOVE. According to the gematria (Jewish numerology), the word AHAVAH (אהבה) adds up to 13. I don’t know about you, but despite all the hype around being a bad luck day, I would instead hold on to LOVE. After all, the perfect love, as told us by John (the apostle of love), drives out all fear.

The Stoics embrace an essential truth, the “Amor Fati”, or love of fate. One does not need to fear the day but welcome it as it is and love what happens. In that sense, there is no point in worrying about anything, including Friday the 13th.

“All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way.”
Marcus Aurelius

What occupies our mind are the only things we can control completely, our actions and deeds. We cannot hold the events of the day. For that, there is no difference if that is a 13th or 21st, a Friday or Monday; all days are alike; we are the ones who give meaning to our existence by genuinely becoming who we are supposed to be, virtuous, wise, discipline and courageous, the four cornerstones of stoicism. Below Epictetus is clear that our divine ability is to make a choice and use our reasoning faculties to judge and decide. The day will take care of itself; I, therefore, remain unshakable in my resolve and actions.

“Keep this thought at the ready at daybreak, and through the day and night— there is only one path to happiness, and that is in giving up all outside of your sphere of choice, regarding nothing else as your possession…”
Epictetus, discourses, 4.4.39

We aim to embrace love as the highest gift and to cast out all fear, Amor Fati.

What is your response when you get stuck?

Have you got stuck in a situation where you feel you have lost all control over it? Or, you just don’t know what to do with a relationship? That feeling overwhelms you, it brings anxiety, and headaches and suddenly your mind, body and soul are affected, not only that, it starts affecting loved ones too. I guess we all have been there, but What if you can move just an inch?

Last year I was in a very dire situation, feeling completely powerless. I needed all my energy and mind power to be able to come out of that place stronger. The issue was taking over my thoughts day and night. When that happens you have to be incredibly stoic about it. I had to go back to my notes, my books, meditation, talk to some senior mentors, etc. And finally, I managed to create a different reality for the whole situation first in my mind and then allow that to be manifested in the context of the problem/challenge. It worked but it did not go all at once, it took some pushes and shoves internally, moving my mindset inch by inch to the correct mind frame.

When a difficult situation appears, a storm brews on the horizon, and your boat is rattled by ranging waves, be assured and know that you have inside you the power to ride out the storm. When you don’t know what to do and how to deal with a particular tough circumstance: stop! The best thing to do is to stop and ask yourself a question:

What is the smallest change I can make right now to move just one inch and give me an edge? Instead of focusing on the overall big picture aim your focus on the minimal change you can make. Perhaps that will be just a change in your perspective, a happy thought, or a deep breath, a walk in the park, a chat with a friend, etc.

If you can move one inch in the right direction, you are already set to keep going and get momentum.

The Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius talks about three areas we need to go about our business and weather any storm that comes our way in our daily lives.

“All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way”
Marcus Aurelius

Book writer and philosopher Ryan Holiday calls these “the three overlapping but critical disciplines of Stoicism”. They sum up the essence of Stoic Philosophy. Once you take control over your own judgments, you direct your actions accordingly and you are willing to accept the obstacles that come your way, then you will start moving inch by inch towards the desired outcome in any challenging situation you are going through.

When you get stuck:

1 – don’t look out, look inside of you, search your feelings and emotions.

2 – Secondly, take a break, and breathe.

3 – Think like a stoic and follow the three steps above

4 – Share your load with trusted mentors and people around you.

5- Never forget that storms don’t last forever

How is your personal level of energy?

Yes, that is 2023, already and before you notice it will be 2024. So, what are you going to do about it?

Some of us are already super pumped for the year, and some others are feeling exhausted and still carrying much of the burden from the past year. But despite which category you are in, the key is to focus on what you can change, we lose a lot of our energy and peace thinking and worrying about things that are outside our immediate control.

You are Amazing, and you are unique, now tell yourself the things that are part of your day within your control and those that are not, forget the latter. That immediately boosts your energy levels, trust me, since I started to practice that my life has changed drastically.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”

― Epictetus

Don’t be nice, be wise!

I’m always amazed to see how words evolved and change its original meaning. “Nice” is one of those words that originally meant something completely different.

Origin

Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’. Other early senses included ‘coy, reserved’, giving rise to ‘fastidious, scrupulous’: this led both to the sense ‘fine, subtle’ (regarded by some as the ‘correct’ sense), and to the main current senses.

So, how come a word that meant ‘stupid, ignorant, frivolous, senseless’ became one of the most used words in the English language?

nice (adj.)

late 13c., “foolish, ignorant, frivolous, senseless,” from Old French nice (12c.) “careless, clumsy; weak; poor, needy; simple, stupid, silly, foolish,” from Latin nescius “ignorant, unaware,” literally “not-knowing,” from ne- “not” (from PIE root *ne- “not”) + stem of scire “to know” (see science).

In Portuguese the word still has the same meaning “nescio = ignorant, stupid”. According to some, after the word went through a few changes in meaning, highborn people in the eighteenth century started to gentrify the word to give it a more pleasant meaning. Apparently, Jane Austen’s also used of the word to describe good things. So, the word went from a negative connotation to a positive one.

The fact is that many words change meanings with time, though the changes are in use and how people perceive them does not necessarily mean that the word itself now means something else that what was originally designed to mean. People meaning does not do away with what the word actually mean in reality. Nice, in reality still lack of knowledge or stupidity even if that is not perceived as such.

What do you think, should we keep the original meaning of words and correct some of our vocabulary or keep it as it is fluid, allowing for the changing in meaning and use?

Can we be both nice and wise? for example, in the quote “The fool don’t think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” we would then read as “The nice don’t think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be nice”. odd?!

Father and Son, it doesn´t have to be this way

Why does it have to be that way? Why do we want to break away and become independent when we are young? Why fathers cannot understand us fully? I did it that way too as a son; that’s sad. When you become a dad, you learn and suffer. That was one of the reasons I did not want to become a father.

I love Cat’s song below; it is profound and invites us to think about the father-son relationship. Both seem to be correct in their views, and both wanted to convince each other of the son’s actual needs. The father reflecting on his own existence and past, doesn’t want the son to fall into the same traps while denying the son’s internal feelings and struggles.

The son, unable to hear what the father is saying, believes that his dad cannot understand what really goes inside his mind. He believes that leaving home is the only solution to find himself in the world and be happy.

Why does it have to be that way? Can we turn our heart to each other? Can we learn to relate to each other and discover the world afresh? The father should now recognise that he has had a life, but things have changed, and now he must allow the son to grow while offering him support and love. The son eager to live but recognises that his dad has got experiences and could learn from, and he wishes that his father would walk with him.

Not having my dad anymore is very sad, such a loss seeing him going still fairly young. In my case, he was the one wanting to go home to the afterlife. Being a dad for my two sons is such a blessing, but I wish there was more time. Time to stop, reflect, ponder and learn.

Today’s relational options are almost always fractured by the age gap, the changes and demands of the new ‘modern’ digital world, peer pressure, and the allure of independence. Contrary to the original prodigal son in the song, the good son would realise that there is no such a thing as being independent. The father will then know that there is always time for new changes; we must embrace them together.

Father and sons should always be connected, even more, powerful when they connect with nature and their community and the people in their lives. In the end, we will all go back to the source and rest with our fathers.

What if we can re-write the song below in our own lives no matter whether we are today the father or the son? This is the challenge I set before me today. What about you?

Fathers, maybe it is time to go with your son through all the changes, to understand his life challenges and choices. Sons, perhaps it is not time to go, stay and work things out, invite him in, be patient… Who knows how much a father and a son can do if they are together in this world…

Father & Son

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

I was once like you are now
And I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not

How can I try to explain?
When I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk
I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it slowly
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

All the times that I've cried
Keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right I'd agree
But it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away

Songwriter: Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

Let your mind be serene and calm

Protect your serenity at all times. The world is busy, flashy, it distracts you. It invades your mind with thoughts and images, news and appeals. Many things drive your actions the challenge is to only allow the very thingsyou should be think and doing to direct your path.

Below is a meditation from ‘Lifelines’ by Rabbi Avi Shulman to calm the mind and help us to focus as we go about our daily business and life pursuits.

“I am calm, serene, and in total control at all times. I am unaffected by the emotions of others. I will not allow anyone to unerve me, or project his/her problems on me. I am clear, assertive, pleasant; I speak in a low voice, never degrading or negative. I do nothing rash, accept no conditions unless every financial, organisational, and emotional factor is met, and I can succeed.

I am nice, but firm;

Pleasant, but resolute;

Delightful, but determined;

Cordial, but tenacious;

Respectful, but unyelding;

Gracious, but immutable;

I may not be able to control other people or situations, but I can always control my attitude.”

It is your choice what to think and how to react in any circumstances, stay focused on the target, on what you want to build and create for your life. To set yourself on the right path you must be calm and serene at all times.

Words become works

“My advice is really this: what we hear the philosophers saying and what we find in their writings should be applied in our pursuit of a happy life. We should hunt out the helpful pieces of teaching, and the spirited and noble-minded sayings capable of immediate practical application—not far-fetched or archaic expressions or extravagant metaphors and figures of speech—and learn them so well that words become works. No one to my mind lets humanity down quite so much as those who study philosophy as if it were a sort of commercial skill and then proceed to live in a quite different manner from the way they tell other people to live.”

― Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

In 2021, more than ever before we must apply wisdom to our daily lives. If 2020 got us by surprise, now we are prepared, we must be ready to act and do what is right.

As the year start, we act, we put into practice every day what we have learned. Think, ponder, write and work with diligence.

If you do not do it, nobody else will. It can start today, and why not?

What time is it?

Why are we not taught about the time when we are children? Why our parents don’t tell us why we should be mindful about it? How can we make the best use of time?

We are what to do but now why we are doing what we do. What do we do the things we do the way we do it?

Our time is not our own; we never learnt how to use it or why we are using it. We focus on what we were told we should do; we comply, we get distracted and unfocused. We then see the time passing, and we feel powerless.

To meditate about the time and how one ought to use it is the doorway to wisdom.

“Stop wondering about! You aren’t likely to read your own notebooks, or ancient histories, or the anthologies you’ve collected to enjoy your old age. Get busy with life’s purpose, toss aside empty hope, get active in your own rescue – if you care for yourself at all – and do it while you can”
_Marcus Aurelius

Time spent purposefully is a time that will revert with good things and positive results. Learning about time is a life-long application; the better one gets, the happier and more prosperous one’s life will be.