What is your response when you get stuck?

Have you got stuck in a situation where you feel you have lost all control over it? Or, you just don’t know what to do with a relationship? That feeling overwhelms you, it brings anxiety, and headaches and suddenly your mind, body and soul are affected, not only that, it starts affecting loved ones too. I guess we all have been there, but What if you can move just an inch?

Last year I was in a very dire situation, feeling completely powerless. I needed all my energy and mind power to be able to come out of that place stronger. The issue was taking over my thoughts day and night. When that happens you have to be incredibly stoic about it. I had to go back to my notes, my books, meditation, talk to some senior mentors, etc. And finally, I managed to create a different reality for the whole situation first in my mind and then allow that to be manifested in the context of the problem/challenge. It worked but it did not go all at once, it took some pushes and shoves internally, moving my mindset inch by inch to the correct mind frame.

When a difficult situation appears, a storm brews on the horizon, and your boat is rattled by ranging waves, be assured and know that you have inside you the power to ride out the storm. When you don’t know what to do and how to deal with a particular tough circumstance: stop! The best thing to do is to stop and ask yourself a question:

What is the smallest change I can make right now to move just one inch and give me an edge? Instead of focusing on the overall big picture aim your focus on the minimal change you can make. Perhaps that will be just a change in your perspective, a happy thought, or a deep breath, a walk in the park, a chat with a friend, etc.

If you can move one inch in the right direction, you are already set to keep going and get momentum.

The Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius talks about three areas we need to go about our business and weather any storm that comes our way in our daily lives.

“All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way”
Marcus Aurelius

Book writer and philosopher Ryan Holiday calls these “the three overlapping but critical disciplines of Stoicism”. They sum up the essence of Stoic Philosophy. Once you take control over your own judgments, you direct your actions accordingly and you are willing to accept the obstacles that come your way, then you will start moving inch by inch towards the desired outcome in any challenging situation you are going through.

When you get stuck:

1 – don’t look out, look inside of you, search your feelings and emotions.

2 – Secondly, take a break, and breathe.

3 – Think like a stoic and follow the three steps above

4 – Share your load with trusted mentors and people around you.

5- Never forget that storms don’t last forever

How is your personal level of energy?

Yes, that is 2023, already and before you notice it will be 2024. So, what are you going to do about it?

Some of us are already super pumped for the year, and some others are feeling exhausted and still carrying much of the burden from the past year. But despite which category you are in, the key is to focus on what you can change, we lose a lot of our energy and peace thinking and worrying about things that are outside our immediate control.

You are Amazing, and you are unique, now tell yourself the things that are part of your day within your control and those that are not, forget the latter. That immediately boosts your energy levels, trust me, since I started to practice that my life has changed drastically.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”

― Epictetus

Don’t be nice, be wise!

I’m always amazed to see how words evolved and change its original meaning. “Nice” is one of those words that originally meant something completely different.

Origin

Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’. Other early senses included ‘coy, reserved’, giving rise to ‘fastidious, scrupulous’: this led both to the sense ‘fine, subtle’ (regarded by some as the ‘correct’ sense), and to the main current senses.

So, how come a word that meant ‘stupid, ignorant, frivolous, senseless’ became one of the most used words in the English language?

nice (adj.)

late 13c., “foolish, ignorant, frivolous, senseless,” from Old French nice (12c.) “careless, clumsy; weak; poor, needy; simple, stupid, silly, foolish,” from Latin nescius “ignorant, unaware,” literally “not-knowing,” from ne- “not” (from PIE root *ne- “not”) + stem of scire “to know” (see science).

In Portuguese the word still has the same meaning “nescio = ignorant, stupid”. According to some, after the word went through a few changes in meaning, highborn people in the eighteenth century started to gentrify the word to give it a more pleasant meaning. Apparently, Jane Austen’s also used of the word to describe good things. So, the word went from a negative connotation to a positive one.

The fact is that many words change meanings with time, though the changes are in use and how people perceive them does not necessarily mean that the word itself now means something else that what was originally designed to mean. People meaning does not do away with what the word actually mean in reality. Nice, in reality still lack of knowledge or stupidity even if that is not perceived as such.

What do you think, should we keep the original meaning of words and correct some of our vocabulary or keep it as it is fluid, allowing for the changing in meaning and use?

Can we be both nice and wise? for example, in the quote “The fool don’t think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” we would then read as “The nice don’t think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be nice”. odd?!

Father and Son, it doesn´t have to be this way

Why does it have to be that way? Why do we want to break away and become independent when we are young? Why fathers cannot understand us fully? I did it that way too as a son; that’s sad. When you become a dad, you learn and suffer. That was one of the reasons I did not want to become a father.

I love Cat’s song below; it is profound and invites us to think about the father-son relationship. Both seem to be correct in their views, and both wanted to convince each other of the son’s actual needs. The father reflecting on his own existence and past, doesn’t want the son to fall into the same traps while denying the son’s internal feelings and struggles.

The son, unable to hear what the father is saying, believes that his dad cannot understand what really goes inside his mind. He believes that leaving home is the only solution to find himself in the world and be happy.

Why does it have to be that way? Can we turn our heart to each other? Can we learn to relate to each other and discover the world afresh? The father should now recognise that he has had a life, but things have changed, and now he must allow the son to grow while offering him support and love. The son eager to live but recognises that his dad has got experiences and could learn from, and he wishes that his father would walk with him.

Not having my dad anymore is very sad, such a loss seeing him going still fairly young. In my case, he was the one wanting to go home to the afterlife. Being a dad for my two sons is such a blessing, but I wish there was more time. Time to stop, reflect, ponder and learn.

Today’s relational options are almost always fractured by the age gap, the changes and demands of the new ‘modern’ digital world, peer pressure, and the allure of independence. Contrary to the original prodigal son in the song, the good son would realise that there is no such a thing as being independent. The father will then know that there is always time for new changes; we must embrace them together.

Father and sons should always be connected, even more, powerful when they connect with nature and their community and the people in their lives. In the end, we will all go back to the source and rest with our fathers.

What if we can re-write the song below in our own lives no matter whether we are today the father or the son? This is the challenge I set before me today. What about you?

Fathers, maybe it is time to go with your son through all the changes, to understand his life challenges and choices. Sons, perhaps it is not time to go, stay and work things out, invite him in, be patient… Who knows how much a father and a son can do if they are together in this world…

Father & Son

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

I was once like you are now
And I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not

How can I try to explain?
When I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk
I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it slowly
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

All the times that I've cried
Keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right I'd agree
But it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away

Songwriter: Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

Father and Son lyrics © Cat Music Ltd.

Let your mind be serene and calm

Protect your serenity at all times. The world is busy, flashy, it distracts you. It invades your mind with thoughts and images, news and appeals. Many things drive your actions the challenge is to only allow the very thingsyou should be think and doing to direct your path.

Below is a meditation from ‘Lifelines’ by Rabbi Avi Shulman to calm the mind and help us to focus as we go about our daily business and life pursuits.

“I am calm, serene, and in total control at all times. I am unaffected by the emotions of others. I will not allow anyone to unerve me, or project his/her problems on me. I am clear, assertive, pleasant; I speak in a low voice, never degrading or negative. I do nothing rash, accept no conditions unless every financial, organisational, and emotional factor is met, and I can succeed.

I am nice, but firm;

Pleasant, but resolute;

Delightful, but determined;

Cordial, but tenacious;

Respectful, but unyelding;

Gracious, but immutable;

I may not be able to control other people or situations, but I can always control my attitude.”

It is your choice what to think and how to react in any circumstances, stay focused on the target, on what you want to build and create for your life. To set yourself on the right path you must be calm and serene at all times.

Words become works

“My advice is really this: what we hear the philosophers saying and what we find in their writings should be applied in our pursuit of a happy life. We should hunt out the helpful pieces of teaching, and the spirited and noble-minded sayings capable of immediate practical application—not far-fetched or archaic expressions or extravagant metaphors and figures of speech—and learn them so well that words become works. No one to my mind lets humanity down quite so much as those who study philosophy as if it were a sort of commercial skill and then proceed to live in a quite different manner from the way they tell other people to live.”

― Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

In 2021, more than ever before we must apply wisdom to our daily lives. If 2020 got us by surprise, now we are prepared, we must be ready to act and do what is right.

As the year start, we act, we put into practice every day what we have learned. Think, ponder, write and work with diligence.

If you do not do it, nobody else will. It can start today, and why not?

What time is it?

Why are we not taught about the time when we are children? Why our parents don’t tell us why we should be mindful about it? How can we make the best use of time?

We are what to do but now why we are doing what we do. What do we do the things we do the way we do it?

Our time is not our own; we never learnt how to use it or why we are using it. We focus on what we were told we should do; we comply, we get distracted and unfocused. We then see the time passing, and we feel powerless.

To meditate about the time and how one ought to use it is the doorway to wisdom.

“Stop wondering about! You aren’t likely to read your own notebooks, or ancient histories, or the anthologies you’ve collected to enjoy your old age. Get busy with life’s purpose, toss aside empty hope, get active in your own rescue – if you care for yourself at all – and do it while you can”
_Marcus Aurelius

Time spent purposefully is a time that will revert with good things and positive results. Learning about time is a life-long application; the better one gets, the happier and more prosperous one’s life will be.

Starting 2020 well with Seneca top teaching from”On the Shortness of Life”

I decided to publish a few of my favourite Seneca’s quote from his book “On the Shortness of Life” to start this new year.

It is always important to remind ourselves of those things that are truly important in life. It also helps us to prioritise our daily life, our decisions every day and aim for what will add real value to us and others. So, here they are…

“Can anything be more idiotic than certain people who boast of their foresight? They keep themselves officiously preoccupied in order to improve their lives; they spend their lives in organizing their lives. They direct their purposes with an eye to a distant future. But putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future.”

“The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.”

“You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire”

“But excess in any sphere is reprehensible.”

“As far as I am concerned, I know that I have lost not wealth but distractions. The body’s needs are few: it wants to be free from cold, to banish hunger and thirst with nourishment; if we long for anything more we are exerting ourselves to serve our vices, not our needs.”

“Life is long, if you know how to use it.”

“All life is a servitude.”

In summary, there are Five Things to Consider as we start the new year:

1 – What should my focus be every day this year?

2- What should I eliminate from my life?

3 – Stop procrastinating, show up and get on with it!

4 – Work hard and smart in the present, seize the moment, and the future will look after itself.

5 – Define what is ENOUGH and live by it, one can find meaning and happiness there.

Have you all a very peaceful, blessed and successful 2020!

Motivation gets you going, self-discipline takes you all the way

“All life forms drive to the maximum of its potential except human beings”
Jim Rohn

Your motivation is a good starting point but after while you will not be able to rely on it. It might fail you. You get distracted, you get sidetracked and betrayed by your own feeling.

What drives you must turn into an automatic self-discipline system. Only motivation cannot take you all the way to the finish line. There will be days that you do not feel like doing it. In those days, only habits and self-discipline can get you to pass your feeling.

Today is Sunday, I’m on holiday, or at least I’m supposed to be, but I made a commitment to myself. I have gotten up 5:30am, I did not feel like, my mind was saying ‘f#$k that s@#t I’m going back to bed’, my commitment and self-discipline drove me here not my motivation.

We are constantly bombarded by hundreds if not thousands of different stimulus. Most of us live with the pressures of our social lives, people around us, family and friends and loved ones. Powerful branded messages from products, entertainment, useless shopping gadgets, etc. All that sensory messages play a powerful role in our feelings and emotions, ultimately in our decision making. We can get easily demotivated and sidetracked. We get pushed away from our vision and goals. Our motivation betrays us.

“Let all communication devices serve you but let no one interfere with you”
Jim Rohn

We think we can postpone, do it later, after all, just a bit of distraction will not make any difference. A bit of this, a bit of that, and suddenly the week has gone, the months and the years. I can attest to that in many areas of my life.

In reality tomorrow doesn’t exist. it is invisibly shrouded and seeded in the actions we take today. Take a close look at this, do you remember how many tomorrows have since passed and have become nothing more than of a shadowed yesterday’s memory. Today when you ponder upon, you wished you had taken a different set of action and achieved a different outcome.

Self-discipline will make you work harder on your self than on your own job. Good habits will spring you into success and fortune. That’s why most people do not achieve anything, it is easy to get sidetracked and stopped.

As Jim puts it, you must develop “The ant philosophy”. They never quit, the think winter all summer and they seem to be in a hurry. All stoics philosophers told us to plan all the negative scenarios when all is positive. The ant thinks summer is winter. They are not motivated, they are discipline to achieve their goals.

Les Brown says “do what is easy and your life will be hard, do what is hard and your life will be easy”. Self-discipline is the key to take you all the way to the finish line.

Changing your worldview

Don’t get stuck in your old ways. Change happens in an instant; it’s a conversion, a turning of direction. The philosophy, worldview and the lenses by which you see everything must be in congruence with your goals and visions for your future; otherwise nothing will work.
Change your philosophy is the starting line and the best way to achieve anything is by optimising your life for the starting line, not the finishing line. .

Some claim they want to change the world, some others want to win the world, a large number of people just want to get by. No matter what you have chosen your life by your own philosophy. It ultimately informs your beliefs and values, shapes your choices, habits and decisions.

Whatever you want for you, it will be achieved or not by your own views of the world and the reality around you. That is what Jim Rohn is telling us here. The biggest giant lies within, without defeating him/her first you will never feel free to be what you have got to be. Your own self-limiting beliefs and philosophy is preventing you from growing and from success.

This blog aims to address the needs of those two initial types of people in the paragraph above. The ones who want to change and affect the world as well as the ones who want to win. And many times they are but the same people. You can’t conquer the world unless you truly affect lives.

You must affect your world first, to be able to influence others’. You must adopt a new mindset first then you will realise what steps you need to take to fulfil your dreams. You have to adopt the right attitude, the correct set of behaviours and values.

What is the minimum change you can promote today, right now to start the process? What should you think differently about? What kind of thinking is not supporting your vision for your future?