Father and Son, it doesn´t have to be this way

Why does it have to be that way? Why do we want to break away and become independent when we are young? Why fathers cannot understand us fully? I did it that way too as a son; that’s sad. When you become a dad, you learn and suffer. That was one of the reasons I did not want to become a father.

I love Cat’s song below; it is profound and invites us to think about the father-son relationship. Both seem to be correct in their views, and both wanted to convince each other of the son’s actual needs. The father reflecting on his own existence and past, doesn’t want the son to fall into the same traps while denying the son’s internal feelings and struggles.

The son, unable to hear what the father is saying, believes that his dad cannot understand what really goes inside his mind. He believes that leaving home is the only solution to find himself in the world and be happy.

Why does it have to be that way? Can we turn our heart to each other? Can we learn to relate to each other and discover the world afresh? The father should now recognise that he has had a life, but things have changed, and now he must allow the son to grow while offering him support and love. The son eager to live but recognises that his dad has got experiences and could learn from, and he wishes that his father would walk with him.

Not having my dad anymore is very sad, such a loss seeing him going still fairly young. In my case, he was the one wanting to go home to the afterlife. Being a dad for my two sons is such a blessing, but I wish there was more time. Time to stop, reflect, ponder and learn.

Today’s relational options are almost always fractured by the age gap, the changes and demands of the new ‘modern’ digital world, peer pressure, and the allure of independence. Contrary to the original prodigal son in the song, the good son would realise that there is no such a thing as being independent. The father will then know that there is always time for new changes; we must embrace them together.

Father and sons should always be connected, even more, powerful when they connect with nature and their community and the people in their lives. In the end, we will all go back to the source and rest with our fathers.

What if we can re-write the song below in our own lives no matter whether we are today the father or the son? This is the challenge I set before me today. What about you?

Fathers, maybe it is time to go with your son through all the changes, to understand his life challenges and choices. Sons, perhaps it is not time to go, stay and work things out, invite him in, be patient… Who knows how much a father and a son can do if they are together in this world…

Father & Son

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy
I was once like you are now
And I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not
How can I try to explain?
When I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk
I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go
It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it slowly
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy
All the times that I've cried
Keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right I'd agree
But it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away

Songwriter: Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

Father and Son lyrics © Cat Music Ltd.

Why me? Do you know the odds of you being alive?

Why not you? Yes, you!

The odds for you to be alive right now is practically zero according to do Dr Ali Binazir. Let’s start with the odds of your dad meeting your mum (1 in 20,000). Then multiply that by the chances of them staying together long enough to have you (1 in 2,000). If you keep going along those lines you will eventually get to the following probability of you existing 1 in 102,685,000.

The odds of you being alive

Based on this perspective, the reality of our lives and the narrative we can create become unlimited and powerful. We are a freaking miracle of nature!

If you only looked at the probability of the right sperm meeting the right eggs in isolation to any other variables that would be one inf 400 quadrillion.

Start living today with that perspective, make decision and choices based on the fact that you are a freaking odd miracle, you are here to change things, to leave a mark, as Jobs said, a dent in the universe. You life is not a mistake it is a celebration, a joy no matter the circumstances that brought you here.


“A miracle is an event so unlikely as to be almost impossible. By that definition, I’ve just shown that you are a miracle… Now go forth and feel and act like the miracle that you are.”


Dr Binazir

You should never never ask the question again. Why you? Because you are unique, an effing miracle, there is only one YOU. For Dr Binazir the odds of you being alive are zero. Still, you are here. Stop b$#@ing about and get on with your life, do epic s#&t.

Dr Binazir explained the odds with the following example:

“Imagine there was one life preserver thrown somewhere in some ocean and there is exactly one turtle in all of these oceans, swimming underwater somewhere. The probability that you came about and exist today is the same as that turtle sticking its head out of the water — in the middle of that life preserver. On one try.”

Your mission, your obsession

Mission by Rush

I absolutely love this song by my favourite band Rush. I have no idea how many times I’ve listen to it and every time I do it sparks something powerful within me. I can’t figure out exactly what it is, might guess is that it somehow ignites my spirit and obsession to achieving greatness. Do you have any song that does that for you? I would love to hear from you if you do.

Music has the electrifying power to transport us to different dimensions. It can makes remember, it moves us and touch all our senses. It can makes us fly, travel to other worlds, dream a thousand dreams and live a thousand lives. Music is living pulsing organism. This particular one from Rush is a anthem for dreamers, ambitious high flyers.

Do you have a mission? A sweet obsession? A drive? A dream?

Mission – Rush

Hold your fire 
Keep it burning bright
Hold the flame
‘Til the dream ignites
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission

I hear their passionate music
Read the words
That touch my heart
I gaze at their feverish pictures
The secrets that set them apart

When I feel the powerful visions
Their fire has made alive
I wish I had that instinct 
I wish I had that drive

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire
Focused high on soaring ambitions
Consumed in a single desire

In the grip of
A nameless possession 
A slave to the drive of obsession 
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission

I watch their images flicker
Bringing light to a lifeless screen
I walk through
Their beautiful buildings
And I wish I had their dreams

But dreams don’t need
To have motion
To keep their spark alive
Obsession has to have action 
Pride turns on the drive

It’s cold comfort
To the ones without it
To know how they struggled 
How they suffered about it

If their lives were
Exotic and strange
They would likely have
Gladly exchanged them
For something a little more plain
Maybe something a little more sane

We each pay a fabulous price
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission

Songwriters: Geddy Lee / Alex Lifeson / Neil Elwood PeartMission lyrics © Ole Media Management

“Mors certa, vita incerta”

The Latin quote popularised by Dick’s book is one I particularly have close to my heart and thoughts every day. We never know what is out there waiting for us. Our freedom can be taken away, out lifestyle, our loved ones and even our own life. A million things can obliterate our plans and shattered our dreams. Even if some may find reasons to be boastful we must understand that we all have the sword of Damocles dangling over our heads. Whatever you think you have can be taken away.

In one of the oldest written poems known to us, ‘The Epic of Gilgamesh’ is written that “Man is snapped off like a reed in the canebrake! The comely young man, the pretty young woman— All too soon in their prime Death abducts them!”

The Stoics also had that at the heart of their philosophical thinking…

“Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible—by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire.” —EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 21

“Don’t behave as if you are destined to live forever. What’s fated hangs over you. As long as you live and while you can, become good now.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.17

screenshot_20181206-124338~23863023782836244327..jpg

In conclusion, to do good and to be good are the only virtues that matter. We must live and celebrate the now, our present. Many of us keep postponing happiness as if that will happen one day in the future when everything will somehow work out. Gratitude today is key to happiness. Being thankful for what we have and who we have in our lives.

In the final scene of Shakespeare’s final play, The Tempest, the main character Prospero says “And thence retire me to my Milan, where / Every third thought shall be my grave.” It evokes and acknowledges death as a possibility and imminent threat. However, reflecting on our mortality should not leave us in dread, it should rather have the opposite effect. To die while you are alive is the best way to purposely live after all nobody can kill and nothing can affect a dead being. That gives us clarity and motivates us to live a full fearless and purpose-driven life.

What is your verse?

Very early on today talking to a good friend of mine and also a business partner, we were discussing life purpose and the importance of having a clear personal purpose to guide our actions.


“For the secret of human existence lies not only in living, but in knowing what to live for.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Most of us are so busy with the everyday life pursuits that we never stop to think or ask ourselves: “Why am I doing all this?”

That set me off for the rest of my Sunday morning. I normally use my Sunday morning to work on myself, study some area of science, social science and philosophy, learn something new and write about that so I can apply and change. 

Today that got me going… Interestingly I had a request for a new LinkedIn connection asking me to add him and also asking to know what was the impact of my work in my current organisation. I do not have much time to this sort of requests, they normally come with an introduction and offer of service (attention management is key here) but today I was in the mood to explore that!

What is my contribution to the world? The institution I work for is nothing but one of the many vehicles I can express myself, add to others and play a part in building a better environment we all want to live. My business, my network of family and friends, my charity work, etc…

I was then taken back in time to a film I watched many years ago and one of my favourite poems of all… 

O Me! O Life!

BY WALT WHITMANOh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

  Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

Source: Leaves of Grass (1892)

in my view…

The power of identity and purpose should guide any life pursuit, find your verse, find yourself!


“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

― Mark Twain

what is your purpose?
What is your life purpose?

A pathway to a great destiny

Someone once said that you cannot change anything or any problem in your life with the same mindset that has created it. Many people spend their lives focusing on what they don’t have to sort out the problem they created by negative thoughts and reactions to external situations. They will never be able to experience true freedom that way.

The only way to see changes in the present and move towards a better future and destiny is by nurturing positive thoughts no matter which circumstances one finds oneself in. Thoughts are made of pure raw energy (being negative or positive) and have the power to change our physiology and psyche immediately. It is the only thing we can truly have control over.

After developing good thoughts one should start paying attention in the words one uses. Words have the power to manifest the reality of your thinking, speak sound words and you will be truly whole and happy.

Thirdly: congruency! Acting in line with your thinking and words. Oh, how hard that one is! The worst things anyone can display in their lives are inconsistency and incongruency. Where one acts differently from what one believes and says.

Afterwhile your healthy thinking life, your manifested positive words and your congruent actions will be consolidated as your new habits. Cultivating these new good habits are a powerful way to unlock long-lasting changes in your life but ultimately they should be governed by superior moral and ethical values directing everything you do.

In you keeping with all of them, practising diligently as you go about your business, you will then start paving the way to a great destiny. Try it today!

good Habits

In the end of the day it is all about relationships…

… and how we nurture them!

Having a well-balanced approach to life is the only way to grow oneself and grow and nurture better life and working relations.

The health life we all dream of can only happen when we proactively engage with others in a positive mental attitude and congruently align personal beliefs and values with action.

To examine oneself should be a daily pursuit we all aim to enact and prioritise.

Carpe Diem! What is on the menu for today?

“Let us therefore set out whole-heartedly, leaving aside our many distractions and exert ourselves in this single purpose, before we realize too late the swift and unstoppable flight of time and are left behind. As each day arises, welcome it as the very best day of all, and make it your own possession. We must seize what flees.”
—SENECA, MORAL LETTERS, 108.27b–28a

You woke up today, that’s a great thing for starters, many haven’t. Then you went about your business, afterall we have to live and for that, we must work.

But what if there’s more to our days than what we have to do based on what is expected from us?

What if we can turn things around, decide for a change of action, begin doing those things that really inspire us? Things that leave us with a strong sense of fulfillment.

Perhaps some of us have been doing that already. Some few have reached that level but by experience, observation or even by just reading the news and stats, I’ve learned that most of us haven’t. Most still feel trapped.

The good news is, we all can!

This morning when I got up I was faced with three scenarios and I believe we all face them everyday. Which scenario we will chose is up to each one of us:

I would would have woken up with visions of my past. Somehow I feel locked in my memories, old preconceptions and paradigms. I’m unable to make a clear decision on my life, or to know what to do with it. I’m locked in past fears and traumas, filled with regrets and sorrows, many “if-I-onlys…” or “if-life-onlys”… Thoughts occupying my mind. Basically feeling life has dealt me a bad hand.

Or;

I woke up this morning locked in my present, tons or things to do. I’ve got to get going as I’m super busy! Work commitments dominate every aspect of my daily life. This is just business as usual, life as it is and no time or space for anything else. I’ve got to keep going. No time to waste, and that’s the way it is. No, I don’t feel fulfilled, or happy, it feels I just woke up in this gridlock and there’s no way out, I’ve got bills to pay and so on, I’m playing the catch-up game. Get up, grab a latte on the go and get to work. Isn’t the way things are or should be? Aren’t we all locked up in this present rat race?!

Or;

I could have woken up with the visions of the future I want to create, and the place I want to be. Knowing that each decision I make today will bring me closer or further away from that future. When I look back to my past I seek to understand it and learn from it, not to relive it. I’m grateful that despite the hardships, trials and tribulations, through fires and storms, hurts and disappointments; I have made it to where I’m and I believe that I can learn from the past, change in the present moment and move towards the future I envision.

This morning we have all woken up with this three scenarios and the decision is ours how we live our lives.

Life is indeed fleeting and we will never be able to have back the time we lost. Seneca admonishes us to make the most of it, make this day our own! This is the best day of my life because today I can decide to change, I can take control of my thoughts, attitudes, my life actions and fulfill my destiny.

Today we can leave aside all the other distractions and set our minds, energy and focus to embrace the future we dream of. So, what is going to be? What is in the menu today for you?

The Road to Success…

Someone once said: ‘the way you do anything it is the way you do everything’. So, how we will achieve anything in life is directly linked to way we face and takle our daily menial tasks. Even the most simple ones or the ones we feel we should not be doing.

Success does not happen to you by chance, but rather it is born out of a lot of sweat and tears. It is often the result of years of practice and determination, repetition and failures, ultimately of compound actions based on your beliefs and the dreams you might entertain for how you want your future to be.

When you decide to pursue that vision and build your life goals the you set off on that road, your journey to success.

Whatever we want to manifest, it will not happen to us as a matter luck. It is what we do repeatedly until it becomes a habit, then those habits will take us to our destiny.

It might start with something as simple as an idea, as Tony Robbins likes to put it our ‘sweet obsession’. Something that will compel us to keep going, pushing forward.

The road to success is a rocky crooked one, never a straight line and always under construction.

But what is success? How do we know we got there?

We all have our ideas of what success is. For some, it could be financial freedom, for others the limelight, stardom; or both. Some may define success by the recognition they receive based on the intellectual contribution to science and human development. They seek their place in history.

True success is manifested in how deeply our lives are touching others and how much we have become an agent for transformation, peace and love, for equanimity. Success is about building and raising up futures generations and the legacy that survives us after we departure from this life.

What is success for you? Are you pursuing it with all your strength? Are you devoting time and energy to make it happen? What do you want to leave after you? Or what do you want to be remembered for?

“There’s no faith and no courage and no sacrifice in doing what is expedient” prof. Jordan Peterson