New Year…(not so) new me…

But that is not all bad!

Between Jan 15th and 19th, most of us will have given up on our resolutions. The third Thursday is considered by many the D-day, where the new year’s resolution will utterly sink. Every year millions of us gather all the energy we can possibly master to make sure we will stick to our new year’s resolution, and yet around mid-Jan, we have already got beaten by old habits, and they tend to die hard.

Let’s face it: if the goals set are not grounded in self-discipline and a robust process, it is unlikely to be successful. However, there is more to success than achieving a new year’s goal. For instance, being congruent and truthful with who we are is also paramount. The truth will set you free – you must be intentional and focused and trust the process.

Bringing part of our old self into the new year is not bad. There are many good things inside of you that you should keep and make sure to develop in the new year. Instead of focusing only on the new stuff you want to create, why not look inside yourself and build up greatness from the things you know you can develop and be great at! What can you be grateful for? Celebrate that too, and experience joy in life.

After that, think about why you are setting these goals? Motivations and needs. Maybe you say – I need to lose weight, for example. Ok, why? Perhaps instead of focusing on weight loss, you aim to change eating habits and get more physically fit as your starting point. Take that pressure away immediately, and focus on the positive aspect of gaining something rather than losing.

But, then, how? Get a journal and write down all you need to do and what you need to learn. Make an inventory of what you are currently eating. What can you change? How fit are you? Map the step-by-step process, and set milestones. Join a club, enter a race, etc. The resolution will not work itself out. Work out your resolution and change it into a lifestyle, get yourself a Mantra, and become what you want to achieve before you see it through. Now replace weights with anything else, and the process is the same.

I use Strava to track my sports results and connect with others in my fitness network. They looked at more than 108 million entries in the U.S. and realised that most Americans are likelier to quit their resolutions on a Thursday. By Jan 19th, most of us would have gone back to old ways, not because of the decision we made but how we want to tackle the year added to how we see ourselves and the nature of the goal we are setting. We want to use the new year as motivation, but in all honesty, we need discipline and specific steps to measure our progress with whatever we want to achieve.

“Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.”
― Seneca

Your life is way more significant than the year you are currently living in, and you want to set goals that might take you further than the year you are entering. I started the new year in December 2022, working on many of my processes and what I wanted to add, change, develop, increase, etc.; I also reviewed other goals not linked to the new year and reviewed them all.

What do I need to do, and how are they connected to who I am and where I am going?

Do you know where you are going? Are you running a marathon or a sprint? Think about the next two, three and five years. What changes can you make today that will impact your future self? But you have got to know where you are heading. Lewis Carrol in Alice in Wonderland wrote something like, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”.

Do you know who you are?”A person who doesn’t know their purpose in life doesn’t know who they are or what the universe is.”
― Marcus Aurelius

The “Who” element – your identity defines your purpose, and vice-versa; a life purpose will shape your identity, and both together will support your vision, goals and objectives for any stage of your life. Do you know who you are? Bringing your good old self into the new year, your great qualities, your experience and what you are good at and building it up is part of the process, don’t leave anything good behind; get better instead. You need to flourish in the new year and get brighter and brighter because you can also help others to become better versions of themselves.

To Summarise:

Decide where you are going.
What do you need to bring with you to that journey, and what you want to leave behind
The journey is not only for the year; think beyond that.
You have greatness within you; how will you manifest that this year?
What do you want to change this year and why?
Be intentional about it, write a process, measurements and milestones, and join others along the way.
Be truthful to who you are and trust the process.

Friday the 13th, bad luck or Amor Fati?

As today is Friday the 13th, and just the second Friday of the year, I decided to write about it. I don’t personally remember this date happening in January, but in 2017 it did.

It drew my attention because I have been studying from the stoics _ this week to focus only on the things I can control. I have also started meditating on what it means to become. One of the difficulties of becoming is that we attach our lives to many meanings outside our immediate control area. And, of course, you cannot control a day of the week, superstitions, and other traditions.

The fear of the number 13 goes back millennia. First, it comes after a much-blessed number: 12, the number of government, of completeness, 12 months and zodiac signs, gods of Olympus, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 apostles, etc… In western traditions, 13 follows the significant and respected 12, the fear of the number 13 has even been awarded a psychological terminology: triskaidekaphobia.

Donald Dossey, the author of “Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun”, tells us of a Norse myth about a dinner party for 12 gods at which a 13th guest, Loki, the trickster god, showed up uninvited and killed Balder, the god of light, wisdom, joy and happiness. The ancient Code of Hammurabi reportedly omitted a 13th law from its legal rules; nobody can prove it was on purpose, yet another nail in the number 13’s coffin.

In Christian tradition, there were 13 sitting at the last supper, and on Friday, Jesus got crucified; that has started an old Christian superstition that having 13 people seated at a table is a terrible omen. There are many other traditions (yet not proven), such as the day Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit (not an apple, that’s for sure) and Cain killed his brother Abel.

When and why did Friday the 13th start to be feared?

Terrible things are supposed to have happened on this day; one that is closest to its meaning is related to the Order of the Templars Knight, which by order of King Philip IV of France, whose coffers had been emptied from his longstanding war with England (in alliance with Pope Clement V) ordered all Templars to be arrested and thrown in prison and the seizing of all their properties, titles and wealth in France. The Knights were accused of numerous crimes, including heresy and treason. The legend of Jacques DeMolay, the last Grandmaster of the Order, cursing both Philip IV and Pope Clement V as he died, still lives to this day. Incredibly, Philip and Clement died within months of DeMolay’s death.

Many bad events occurred on Friday the 13th, including the German bombing of Buckingham Palace (Sep. 1940); the disappearance of a Chilean Air Force plane in the Andes (Oct. 1972); the death of rapper Tupac Shakur (Sep. 1996) and the crash of the Costa Concordia cruise ship off the coast of Italy, which killed 30 people (January 2012). However, bad events happen every single day.

Most people in western countries attributed it as an inauspicious day, yet until the late 1800s, no one would think of Fridays the 13th with a particularly negative connotation. Credit for popularizing the Friday the 13th myth is often attributed to Capt and William Fowler starting a society called the Thirteen Club. According to a blog by the New York Historical Society, puts the initial meeting on a Friday, the 13th — Jan. 13, 1882, at 8:13 p.m., in room 13 of Fowler’s Knickerbocker Cottage.

This day gave us two terms— “paraskavedekatriaphobia” and “friggatriskaidekaphobia” to describe the fear of this supposedly unlucky day.

Amor Fati

In Hebrew, the number 13 is associated with the word LOVE. According to the gematria (Jewish numerology), the word AHAVAH (אהבה) adds up to 13. I don’t know about you, but despite all the hype around being a bad luck day, I would instead hold on to LOVE. After all, the perfect love, as told us by John (the apostle of love), drives out all fear.

The Stoics embrace an essential truth, the “Amor Fati”, or love of fate. One does not need to fear the day but welcome it as it is and love what happens. In that sense, there is no point in worrying about anything, including Friday the 13th.

“All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way.”
Marcus Aurelius

What occupies our mind are the only things we can control completely, our actions and deeds. We cannot hold the events of the day. For that, there is no difference if that is a 13th or 21st, a Friday or Monday; all days are alike; we are the ones who give meaning to our existence by genuinely becoming who we are supposed to be, virtuous, wise, discipline and courageous, the four cornerstones of stoicism. Below Epictetus is clear that our divine ability is to make a choice and use our reasoning faculties to judge and decide. The day will take care of itself; I, therefore, remain unshakable in my resolve and actions.

“Keep this thought at the ready at daybreak, and through the day and night— there is only one path to happiness, and that is in giving up all outside of your sphere of choice, regarding nothing else as your possession…”
Epictetus, discourses, 4.4.39

We aim to embrace love as the highest gift and to cast out all fear, Amor Fati.

Let your mind be serene and calm

Protect your serenity at all times. The world is busy, flashy, it distracts you. It invades your mind with thoughts and images, news and appeals. Many things drive your actions the challenge is to only allow the very thingsyou should be think and doing to direct your path.

Below is a meditation from ‘Lifelines’ by Rabbi Avi Shulman to calm the mind and help us to focus as we go about our daily business and life pursuits.

“I am calm, serene, and in total control at all times. I am unaffected by the emotions of others. I will not allow anyone to unerve me, or project his/her problems on me. I am clear, assertive, pleasant; I speak in a low voice, never degrading or negative. I do nothing rash, accept no conditions unless every financial, organisational, and emotional factor is met, and I can succeed.

I am nice, but firm;

Pleasant, but resolute;

Delightful, but determined;

Cordial, but tenacious;

Respectful, but unyelding;

Gracious, but immutable;

I may not be able to control other people or situations, but I can always control my attitude.”

It is your choice what to think and how to react in any circumstances, stay focused on the target, on what you want to build and create for your life. To set yourself on the right path you must be calm and serene at all times.