What is your response when you get stuck?

Have you got stuck in a situation where you feel you have lost all control over it? Or, you just don’t know what to do with a relationship? That feeling overwhelms you, it brings anxiety, and headaches and suddenly your mind, body and soul are affected, not only that, it starts affecting loved ones too. I guess we all have been there, but What if you can move just an inch?

Last year I was in a very dire situation, feeling completely powerless. I needed all my energy and mind power to be able to come out of that place stronger. The issue was taking over my thoughts day and night. When that happens you have to be incredibly stoic about it. I had to go back to my notes, my books, meditation, talk to some senior mentors, etc. And finally, I managed to create a different reality for the whole situation first in my mind and then allow that to be manifested in the context of the problem/challenge. It worked but it did not go all at once, it took some pushes and shoves internally, moving my mindset inch by inch to the correct mind frame.

When a difficult situation appears, a storm brews on the horizon, and your boat is rattled by ranging waves, be assured and know that you have inside you the power to ride out the storm. When you don’t know what to do and how to deal with a particular tough circumstance: stop! The best thing to do is to stop and ask yourself a question:

What is the smallest change I can make right now to move just one inch and give me an edge? Instead of focusing on the overall big picture aim your focus on the minimal change you can make. Perhaps that will be just a change in your perspective, a happy thought, or a deep breath, a walk in the park, a chat with a friend, etc.

If you can move one inch in the right direction, you are already set to keep going and get momentum.

The Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius talks about three areas we need to go about our business and weather any storm that comes our way in our daily lives.

“All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way”
Marcus Aurelius

Book writer and philosopher Ryan Holiday calls these “the three overlapping but critical disciplines of Stoicism”. They sum up the essence of Stoic Philosophy. Once you take control over your own judgments, you direct your actions accordingly and you are willing to accept the obstacles that come your way, then you will start moving inch by inch towards the desired outcome in any challenging situation you are going through.

When you get stuck:

1 – don’t look out, look inside of you, search your feelings and emotions.

2 – Secondly, take a break, and breathe.

3 – Think like a stoic and follow the three steps above

4 – Share your load with trusted mentors and people around you.

5- Never forget that storms don’t last forever

How is your personal level of energy?

Yes, that is 2023, already and before you notice it will be 2024. So, what are you going to do about it?

Some of us are already super pumped for the year, and some others are feeling exhausted and still carrying much of the burden from the past year. But despite which category you are in, the key is to focus on what you can change, we lose a lot of our energy and peace thinking and worrying about things that are outside our immediate control.

You are Amazing, and you are unique, now tell yourself the things that are part of your day within your control and those that are not, forget the latter. That immediately boosts your energy levels, trust me, since I started to practice that my life has changed drastically.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”

― Epictetus

Identity, time and life outcomes…

John C. Maxwell states that “Nothing sells like confidence”. The ability to connect successfully with others, build rapport, engage in meaningful work with great results and outcomes are directly liked to our sense of self-worth and identity, and this gives us clear purpose and direction.

When we were still young, most of us dreamt of greatness . We dreamt of fame, fortune and stardom. I thought I would be a famous rock star with millions begging to watch me play guitar with my band. what is left from those childhood dreams? What have we grown up to be?

What about you? What was your dream? How did you wanted to change the world or touch people’s lives? Suddenly, reality comes crashing down on us, we then realise that time has passed us by and most of those foolish dreams of youth never came to pass. But were they really foolish? Or an expression of our true self?

Everything moves so fast, in the blink of an eye the world turns, all change, we have grown up, waking up next to a stranger. Another blink of an eye, we have kids, go to work, repeat and repeat, then we retire, we sit on a rocking chair looking at the whole surroundings and ask ourselves, was that it?

From my long curly ‘Slash’ hairdo nothing is left now. What about you? Are you are late for work? Do you hate that job? Feel stuck? what the f#$k has just happened? Well, time just happened!

But that’s not all, we are still here and while we are still breathing we can still change and make a change, we can still dream new dreams and realise new things.

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Walt Whitman_ ‘Oh Me, Oh Life’

Perhaps asking oneself key pertaining existential questions such as who am I? Where am I going? or how can I change my life? could be the starting point of a reflective crossroads that will eventually liberate you. Just breathe for a moment. It reminds me of Tom Hanks final scene in his highly acclaimed movie ‘Cast Away’.

Shouldn’t we stop immediately then, reset, reprogram ourselves and restart? Unfortunately, for most, that is not the case. Life pressures and demands push us to accelerate, never stop, go, go, go… we can’t afford to think, the kids are out there waiting to be fed, the boss is on the phone asking for an update on the latest client project, walk the dog, help the neighbours, meet friends, play with club members, they all want a piece of you, of your time, life happens.

With life kickbacks come disappointments, frustrations, sadness, a sense of low self-esteem that leads to emotional inertia, decision paralysis, and a complete loss of identity. This whole sequence of events derail all our sweet childhood dreams. But many still find that path or redefine what it means to live and rediscover happiness and enjoyment. There are still time to turn around and move towards our true nature.

“Those who wish to be must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination the real relation
The underlying theme…” Limelight, Rush

In losing one true-self and identity, a person tends to turns to distraction, doping themselves with entertainment, food, or anything else that can occupy the empty space within. A quick fix, a distraction and short-lived ‘innocent’ fun become two of the best companion drugs to alleviate the pain and the emptiness. Reality TV for a self-deceptive life. “That is not the life outcome I envisioned” one might think.

Still, it is never too late, one can always turn around and move in a different direction. Although not without personal sacrifices, a strong unswerving will and a deep commitment to cut oneself from anything and anyone that is not going in the new direction of life. That is exactly what the word decision means, to cut oneself from…

The amazing thing is that you can start today, right now. Ryan Holiday in this book ‘The Perennial Seller’ put it simply that the best time for one to have started something would have probably been 5, 10 or 20 years ago, but the second best time is NOW! so now is the only time we have to change, to find oneself.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

What is it going to be? Think of your early years and tell yourself I am more than all this. There are still time! One of my favourite Maiden Songs goes like this:

“…So understand
Don’t waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up, make your stand
And realise you’re living in the golden years…”
Iron Maiden_ ‘Wasted Years’