What does Merry Christmas mean to you?

I do not want to sound ‘Grinchy’ about Christmas but I must be honest; I do struggle with the whole polite ‘Merry Christmas’ greeting that goes around this time of the year.

If an alien landed on Earth on December 25th and was greeted by “Merry Christmas Visitor”; what would she/he think about it? Let’s say our dear visitor friend would ‘Google it!’ from her/his spaceship, the results would be thoroughly confusing. What on Earth is Christmas? Why having a ‘Merry One’ matters so much?

I often wonder what people really mean by ‘Have a Merry Christmas? What shall I reply to it? Should a be polite or dismissive? When asked whether I like to celebrate Christmas, I normally reply with a Jordan Peterson type of reply – ‘It depends on what you mean by Christmas’.

Of course, people do not want to hear that, and they are not prepared to engage in a debate there and then. There is no time to think about such trivialities. So, just say – Yes, sure, Merry Christmas to you too! – and move along. Why bother!?

I recently realised that the longer I live, the older I get, the more I start looking like Diogenes, the ‘controversial philosopher’, not that I consider myself one. I just have to say something cynical or provoking. For my own regret, I can’t resist. Merry Christmas might mean an awful lot or nothing at all to you depending on what you do with it and how you deal with it. It is not about beliefs as much as it is behavioural or traditions. Some traditions are worth keeping, some others we must challenge, change or leave them altogether.

Does Christmas mean the birth of Christ (surely not in historic terms)? Santa (that’s very good news for Coca-cola)? Consumerism (been there, done that!)? Or, perhaps, having a break from work and not seeing your boss’ raging grumpy face for 10 days or so (that’s fantastic news right)? Whatever your reply might be, you would always give a polite one right?

I have friends from all cultural and religious backgrounds. I myself was brought up within a Christian-Judeo tradition. Most of them, including Sikhs and Muslims, like the Christmas time, for them, it is a time for getting together, eating, celebrating, being with their family. We all like to exchange presents, sing, play and dance, be happy, to be merry! What is wrong with that after all? We can all say yes to such a nice time together no matter which religion or phylosophy we subscribe to.

But there is an invisible Christmas, the one of the homeless, the destitute, the employee who got laid-off and now are contemplating suicide, the daughters whose mom is dying in the hospital, the hundred of thousands living below the poverty line, the couple who is splitting over unpaid bills, the working man who can barely afford the food, the single mom who is using the last few pounds on her account to buy gifts to their children, you can fill your own here. Would they also have a Merry Christmas? Is that possible?

For me the preferred one would be to disappear and get into my own thoughts, to read, reflect and contemplate about the year that has gone. I do not subscribe to any tradition neither like the glittering meetings and parties.

I like to think, meditate about my decisions in the past year the results achieved looking into the year ahead for new opportunities and possibilities. A time to seek wisdom for self-improvement. That would be my preferred ‘Merry Christmas’ but in reality most of this time is take up by family and friends still expecting you to show up, or to play your part. The Management of expectations comes between them and a real self ‘Merry Christmas’.

“Ask yourself at every moment. Is this really necessary?
Marcus Aurelius

Merry for me is ‘simple’, quiet and reflective. I time to see the world, its needs and find ways to play my part to improve it. Being grateful for the life I have whlist questioning what can be improved? Above all it about escaping from overindulging marketing and consumerism appeals with the promises of happier moments once we have bought the new set-of-something we do not really need.

What does ‘Merry Christmas’ mean to you? Would you be able to have one this year?

Motivation gets you going, self-discipline takes you all the way

“All life forms drive to the maximum of its potential except human beings”
Jim Rohn

Your motivation is a good starting point but after while you will not be able to rely on it. It might fail you. You get distracted, you get sidetracked and betrayed by your own feeling.

What drives you must turn into an automatic self-discipline system. Only motivation cannot take you all the way to the finish line. There will be days that you do not feel like doing it. In those days, only habits and self-discipline can get you to pass your feeling.

Today is Sunday, I’m on holiday, or at least I’m supposed to be, but I made a commitment to myself. I have gotten up 5:30am, I did not feel like, my mind was saying ‘f#$k that s@#t I’m going back to bed’, my commitment and self-discipline drove me here not my motivation.

We are constantly bombarded by hundreds if not thousands of different stimulus. Most of us live with the pressures of our social lives, people around us, family and friends and loved ones. Powerful branded messages from products, entertainment, useless shopping gadgets, etc. All that sensory messages play a powerful role in our feelings and emotions, ultimately in our decision making. We can get easily demotivated and sidetracked. We get pushed away from our vision and goals. Our motivation betrays us.

“Let all communication devices serve you but let no one interfere with you”
Jim Rohn

We think we can postpone, do it later, after all, just a bit of distraction will not make any difference. A bit of this, a bit of that, and suddenly the week has gone, the months and the years. I can attest to that in many areas of my life.

In reality tomorrow doesn’t exist. it is invisibly shrouded and seeded in the actions we take today. Take a close look at this, do you remember how many tomorrows have since passed and have become nothing more than of a shadowed yesterday’s memory. Today when you ponder upon, you wished you had taken a different set of action and achieved a different outcome.

Self-discipline will make you work harder on your self than on your own job. Good habits will spring you into success and fortune. That’s why most people do not achieve anything, it is easy to get sidetracked and stopped.

As Jim puts it, you must develop “The ant philosophy”. They never quit, the think winter all summer and they seem to be in a hurry. All stoics philosophers told us to plan all the negative scenarios when all is positive. The ant thinks summer is winter. They are not motivated, they are discipline to achieve their goals.

Les Brown says “do what is easy and your life will be hard, do what is hard and your life will be easy”. Self-discipline is the key to take you all the way to the finish line.

Identity, time and life outcomes…

John C. Maxwell states that “Nothing sells like confidence”. The ability to connect successfully with others, build rapport, engage in meaningful work with great results and outcomes are directly liked to our sense of self-worth and identity, and this gives us clear purpose and direction.

When we were still young, most of us dreamt of greatness . We dreamt of fame, fortune and stardom. I thought I would be a famous rock star with millions begging to watch me play guitar with my band. what is left from those childhood dreams? What have we grown up to be?

What about you? What was your dream? How did you wanted to change the world or touch people’s lives? Suddenly, reality comes crashing down on us, we then realise that time has passed us by and most of those foolish dreams of youth never came to pass. But were they really foolish? Or an expression of our true self?

Everything moves so fast, in the blink of an eye the world turns, all change, we have grown up, waking up next to a stranger. Another blink of an eye, we have kids, go to work, repeat and repeat, then we retire, we sit on a rocking chair looking at the whole surroundings and ask ourselves, was that it?

From my long curly ‘Slash’ hairdo nothing is left now. What about you? Are you are late for work? Do you hate that job? Feel stuck? what the f#$k has just happened? Well, time just happened!

But that’s not all, we are still here and while we are still breathing we can still change and make a change, we can still dream new dreams and realise new things.

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Walt Whitman_ ‘Oh Me, Oh Life’

Perhaps asking oneself key pertaining existential questions such as who am I? Where am I going? or how can I change my life? could be the starting point of a reflective crossroads that will eventually liberate you. Just breathe for a moment. It reminds me of Tom Hanks final scene in his highly acclaimed movie ‘Cast Away’.

Shouldn’t we stop immediately then, reset, reprogram ourselves and restart? Unfortunately, for most, that is not the case. Life pressures and demands push us to accelerate, never stop, go, go, go… we can’t afford to think, the kids are out there waiting to be fed, the boss is on the phone asking for an update on the latest client project, walk the dog, help the neighbours, meet friends, play with club members, they all want a piece of you, of your time, life happens.

With life kickbacks come disappointments, frustrations, sadness, a sense of low self-esteem that leads to emotional inertia, decision paralysis, and a complete loss of identity. This whole sequence of events derail all our sweet childhood dreams. But many still find that path or redefine what it means to live and rediscover happiness and enjoyment. There are still time to turn around and move towards our true nature.

“Those who wish to be must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination the real relation
The underlying theme…” Limelight, Rush

In losing one true-self and identity, a person tends to turns to distraction, doping themselves with entertainment, food, or anything else that can occupy the empty space within. A quick fix, a distraction and short-lived ‘innocent’ fun become two of the best companion drugs to alleviate the pain and the emptiness. Reality TV for a self-deceptive life. “That is not the life outcome I envisioned” one might think.

Still, it is never too late, one can always turn around and move in a different direction. Although not without personal sacrifices, a strong unswerving will and a deep commitment to cut oneself from anything and anyone that is not going in the new direction of life. That is exactly what the word decision means, to cut oneself from…

The amazing thing is that you can start today, right now. Ryan Holiday in this book ‘The Perennial Seller’ put it simply that the best time for one to have started something would have probably been 5, 10 or 20 years ago, but the second best time is NOW! so now is the only time we have to change, to find oneself.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

What is it going to be? Think of your early years and tell yourself I am more than all this. There are still time! One of my favourite Maiden Songs goes like this:

“…So understand
Don’t waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up, make your stand
And realise you’re living in the golden years…”
Iron Maiden_ ‘Wasted Years’