New Year…(not so) new me…

But that is not all bad!

Between Jan 15th and 19th, most of us will have given up on our resolutions. The third Thursday is considered by many the D-day, where the new year’s resolution will utterly sink. Every year millions of us gather all the energy we can possibly master to make sure we will stick to our new year’s resolution, and yet around mid-Jan, we have already got beaten by old habits, and they tend to die hard.

Let’s face it: if the goals set are not grounded in self-discipline and a robust process, it is unlikely to be successful. However, there is more to success than achieving a new year’s goal. For instance, being congruent and truthful with who we are is also paramount. The truth will set you free – you must be intentional and focused and trust the process.

Bringing part of our old self into the new year is not bad. There are many good things inside of you that you should keep and make sure to develop in the new year. Instead of focusing only on the new stuff you want to create, why not look inside yourself and build up greatness from the things you know you can develop and be great at! What can you be grateful for? Celebrate that too, and experience joy in life.

After that, think about why you are setting these goals? Motivations and needs. Maybe you say – I need to lose weight, for example. Ok, why? Perhaps instead of focusing on weight loss, you aim to change eating habits and get more physically fit as your starting point. Take that pressure away immediately, and focus on the positive aspect of gaining something rather than losing.

But, then, how? Get a journal and write down all you need to do and what you need to learn. Make an inventory of what you are currently eating. What can you change? How fit are you? Map the step-by-step process, and set milestones. Join a club, enter a race, etc. The resolution will not work itself out. Work out your resolution and change it into a lifestyle, get yourself a Mantra, and become what you want to achieve before you see it through. Now replace weights with anything else, and the process is the same.

I use Strava to track my sports results and connect with others in my fitness network. They looked at more than 108 million entries in the U.S. and realised that most Americans are likelier to quit their resolutions on a Thursday. By Jan 19th, most of us would have gone back to old ways, not because of the decision we made but how we want to tackle the year added to how we see ourselves and the nature of the goal we are setting. We want to use the new year as motivation, but in all honesty, we need discipline and specific steps to measure our progress with whatever we want to achieve.

“Let all your efforts be directed to something, let it keep that end in view. It’s not activity that disturbs people, but false conceptions of things that drive them mad.”
― Seneca

Your life is way more significant than the year you are currently living in, and you want to set goals that might take you further than the year you are entering. I started the new year in December 2022, working on many of my processes and what I wanted to add, change, develop, increase, etc.; I also reviewed other goals not linked to the new year and reviewed them all.

What do I need to do, and how are they connected to who I am and where I am going?

Do you know where you are going? Are you running a marathon or a sprint? Think about the next two, three and five years. What changes can you make today that will impact your future self? But you have got to know where you are heading. Lewis Carrol in Alice in Wonderland wrote something like, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”.

Do you know who you are?”A person who doesn’t know their purpose in life doesn’t know who they are or what the universe is.”
― Marcus Aurelius

The “Who” element – your identity defines your purpose, and vice-versa; a life purpose will shape your identity, and both together will support your vision, goals and objectives for any stage of your life. Do you know who you are? Bringing your good old self into the new year, your great qualities, your experience and what you are good at and building it up is part of the process, don’t leave anything good behind; get better instead. You need to flourish in the new year and get brighter and brighter because you can also help others to become better versions of themselves.

To Summarise:

Decide where you are going.
What do you need to bring with you to that journey, and what you want to leave behind
The journey is not only for the year; think beyond that.
You have greatness within you; how will you manifest that this year?
What do you want to change this year and why?
Be intentional about it, write a process, measurements and milestones, and join others along the way.
Be truthful to who you are and trust the process.

How is your personal level of energy?

Yes, that is 2023, already and before you notice it will be 2024. So, what are you going to do about it?

Some of us are already super pumped for the year, and some others are feeling exhausted and still carrying much of the burden from the past year. But despite which category you are in, the key is to focus on what you can change, we lose a lot of our energy and peace thinking and worrying about things that are outside our immediate control.

You are Amazing, and you are unique, now tell yourself the things that are part of your day within your control and those that are not, forget the latter. That immediately boosts your energy levels, trust me, since I started to practice that my life has changed drastically.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…”

― Epictetus

What does Merry Christmas mean to you?

I do not want to sound ‘Grinchy’ about Christmas but I must be honest; I do struggle with the whole polite ‘Merry Christmas’ greeting that goes around this time of the year.

If an alien landed on Earth on December 25th and was greeted by “Merry Christmas Visitor”; what would she/he think about it? Let’s say our dear visitor friend would ‘Google it!’ from her/his spaceship, the results would be thoroughly confusing. What on Earth is Christmas? Why having a ‘Merry One’ matters so much?

I often wonder what people really mean by ‘Have a Merry Christmas? What shall I reply to it? Should a be polite or dismissive? When asked whether I like to celebrate Christmas, I normally reply with a Jordan Peterson type of reply – ‘It depends on what you mean by Christmas’.

Of course, people do not want to hear that, and they are not prepared to engage in a debate there and then. There is no time to think about such trivialities. So, just say – Yes, sure, Merry Christmas to you too! – and move along. Why bother!?

I recently realised that the longer I live, the older I get, the more I start looking like Diogenes, the ‘controversial philosopher’, not that I consider myself one. I just have to say something cynical or provoking. For my own regret, I can’t resist. Merry Christmas might mean an awful lot or nothing at all to you depending on what you do with it and how you deal with it. It is not about beliefs as much as it is behavioural or traditions. Some traditions are worth keeping, some others we must challenge, change or leave them altogether.

Does Christmas mean the birth of Christ (surely not in historic terms)? Santa (that’s very good news for Coca-cola)? Consumerism (been there, done that!)? Or, perhaps, having a break from work and not seeing your boss’ raging grumpy face for 10 days or so (that’s fantastic news right)? Whatever your reply might be, you would always give a polite one right?

I have friends from all cultural and religious backgrounds. I myself was brought up within a Christian-Judeo tradition. Most of them, including Sikhs and Muslims, like the Christmas time, for them, it is a time for getting together, eating, celebrating, being with their family. We all like to exchange presents, sing, play and dance, be happy, to be merry! What is wrong with that after all? We can all say yes to such a nice time together no matter which religion or phylosophy we subscribe to.

But there is an invisible Christmas, the one of the homeless, the destitute, the employee who got laid-off and now are contemplating suicide, the daughters whose mom is dying in the hospital, the hundred of thousands living below the poverty line, the couple who is splitting over unpaid bills, the working man who can barely afford the food, the single mom who is using the last few pounds on her account to buy gifts to their children, you can fill your own here. Would they also have a Merry Christmas? Is that possible?

For me the preferred one would be to disappear and get into my own thoughts, to read, reflect and contemplate about the year that has gone. I do not subscribe to any tradition neither like the glittering meetings and parties.

I like to think, meditate about my decisions in the past year the results achieved looking into the year ahead for new opportunities and possibilities. A time to seek wisdom for self-improvement. That would be my preferred ‘Merry Christmas’ but in reality most of this time is take up by family and friends still expecting you to show up, or to play your part. The Management of expectations comes between them and a real self ‘Merry Christmas’.

“Ask yourself at every moment. Is this really necessary?
Marcus Aurelius

Merry for me is ‘simple’, quiet and reflective. I time to see the world, its needs and find ways to play my part to improve it. Being grateful for the life I have whlist questioning what can be improved? Above all it about escaping from overindulging marketing and consumerism appeals with the promises of happier moments once we have bought the new set-of-something we do not really need.

What does ‘Merry Christmas’ mean to you? Would you be able to have one this year?